yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we made out on top of his cat.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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