i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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