He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize