I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
