Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
