Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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