You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
