You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
