I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
