I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
