I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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