Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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