Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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