the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
