What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
