already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
