I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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