I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
