i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
