8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
