I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
