I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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