hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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