I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
