Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
