i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
