I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Drunk is not a location!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
