I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
