Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my shit smells like andre
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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