I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
