i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she told me i tasted like america
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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