Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
