Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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