Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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