Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
