I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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