Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
