Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
