If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize