sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
