No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
