Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
