I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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