Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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