the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
