i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
