we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize