Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
