I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
