i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize