Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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