We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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