It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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