i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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