somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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