I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My bed smells like the plague
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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