we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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