I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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