i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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