Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
