i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
