They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
