idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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